[please note that ALL opinions and statements are strictly personal.
This project has no scientific relevance per se.
Any comment and/or suggestions in regard to this project are more than welcome.]
Over a 8 year period, I worked intensely ona project entitled "Epileptograph: the internal journey".
Its original aim was to explore, using computer generated sounds and graphics, the visual and auditory perceptions I was experiencing during the awareness process leading to the regaining of consciousness following an epileptic seizure.
This project was intended to be for my sole benefit and was driven by process and incidental bi-products as opposed to deliberate results and products. Like most neurological disorders, epilepsy is officially measured and comprehended on the basis of a generalised notion of consciousness. Popular contemporary definitions of being conscious include the state of awareness of one's own existence, sensations and cognition, i.e. of having one's mental faculties awake (?). There are 40 or so different kinds of "epilepsy" and that is without taking into account that every one of us is an individual. While 3% of the world's population is affected it is estimated that 1% is not aware of their condition.
In my opinion, part of the popular notion of consciousness implies that full linguistic abilities are present as a tool to interpret sensations, and in the "light" of my own experiences,
I have had to question the validity of such notions and to interrogate the very essence of the word defined as consciousness.
"Regaining consciousness", and losing "it", has made me aware that what we call the brain is as vibrant as a muscle, can hurt as much as bones breaking, can pulse,
breathes and pump like the lungs and heart. The body yells, resonates and talks, becoming a very active mass of disconnected layers unable to communicate between themselves.
Over the years I have confronted my audio and visual senses to navigate in between the borders of the "self", and to retrieve the memories of an elusive body.
I consider an investigative step positive if its immediate effect has negative physical and emotional impacts. An accumulation of negative body reactions results in increasing epileptic sensitivity,
leading me, on the verge of consciousness, towards a seizure (of any type).
In such an occurrence, the body has its own knowledge which becomes accessible to, and rarely to be forgotten by, the conscious mind. A therapeutic effect results from such experimental procedures
when multiple listening of the same sounds leaves me physically and/or emotionally undisturbed. Over the years, the major impact of such process on my body has been the virtual emergence of new senses,
of perceptual tools performing instinctive actions and generating extreme physical awareness. The consciousness of the body became the key to mental survival. The process of this work in perpetual progress have provided greater personal insight into the regaining, but also the loss, of my "mental consciousness".
The physiology of emotions and
their effect on the visceral consciousness of the body might be major components in the definition of the self.A increased conscious awareness of my body's own knowledge has so far provided me with the "gift" of sometimes feeling seizures coming on. It has also helped me to understand situations
and environment nefast to my well being (as well as the ones of others).
This project was made possible with the assistance of The Australian Council for the Arts, the Australian Network for Art & Technology, The Australian Film Commission, Softimage Montreal & Singapore, Glaxo-Welcome-Kline, Artscape Sydney, College of Fine Arts UNSW Sydney, Vislab University of Sydney, and many generous individuals.
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